Now, on to my regularly scheduled blogging.
So, don't get me wrong, my life is amazing! In fact it's freaking awesome! I have a great home, friends who love me, a wonderful family, I'm a good cook, and I have enough work to survive, I get to travel, I live in an amazing country where I am mostly free to make my own decisions about my life, I have my health, and there is so much more I am incredibly grateful for. Life is good.
But as I sat on my balcony this evening eating the delicious Thanksgiving dinner I made for myself, listening to Meet the Parents ('fill those awkward silences during dinner with these cool, dad approved songs from the '60's, '70's, and '80's') playlist on Songza, staring at the beautiful sunset over the water, I was happy and grateful for such a good life. I recognize how lucky I am and do often even on days that aren't Thanksgiving! Yet, there is something missing in my life. I feel lonely. I try not to think about it often, but I suppose when you think about what you do have, it's hard to also not think about what you are missing.
I sometimes wonder if I've ever really known love at all. I know I felt like I was in love, but when I look back, I've know infatuation, I've know lust, I've known very strong like, I've known heartache, but when I think about my past relationships, I've never had anyone who has shown me what I think love is. There hasn't been anyone who has fought for me, who has respected me always, who has made me first or even third priority in their life. Perhaps the reason I am alone is because what I'm looking for just doesn't exist.
I could write a 50 paragraph blog on how I feel about love and loneliness, but I don't really feel like it right now. Perhaps I'll revisit it at another time. For now I'll leave you with this song while I go wash the dishes.
